Breast or Bottle, Oh My!

     We have all heard that sound before... The ear-piercing sound of a hungry, screaming newborn. They act like they have never been fed before in their lives. Early on, it seems like you hear it every 2 hours... around the clock... Sleep? Totally overrated. But my oh my, what is best? Bottle? Or breast?

     It has been a heated debate for years! A lot of tears, arguments, and mommy shaming later, I feel like we are still in the same spot. (despite Simlilac's "Sisterhood of Motherhood" campaign)

I'll give a little background about myself. I was breastfed for a short while, but I did not grow up in an environment where we discussed breast vs. bottle. My mom and grandma weren't huge advocates for either. A baby gets fed. It is that simple. When I got pregnant with Emma, and I set up our baby registry, I included a breast pump and all of the supplies needed without really thinking about it. I thought, "Of course I am going to breastfeed! It is what is natural, and it is cost effective. Yes and yes. Sign me up!" Little did I know that it was a bit more complicated than that... (for me) I honestly did not start freaking out about it until my sister had her baby 2 months before me. (Good thing I signed up for that breastfeeding class!) I agonized over positioning and yes, I practiced with a doll... I worried about supply, a correct latch, and the number of wet diapers. I bought lanolin and coconut oil because I was scared to death of cracked and bleeding nipples.

    January 2015... my daughter arrived! Yes, breastfeeding is one of the most natural things in the world, but you still have to work at it. A Lot. The latch wasn't great at first which resulted in redness, followed by some tenderness, that eventually turned into cracked and bleeding. (coconut oil and cool soothies to the rescue!) The lactation consultant that I saw was a true gem and worked with me until we got into a good groove. Then came the complications... A lump... thought to be a clogged duct, but several appointments later, (and eventually surgery) it was discovered to be a fibroadenoma. But before that discovery, I tried some of the CrAzIeSt things to unclog that thought-to-be-clogged duct. I won't even go there. Fast forward 2 months... I go back to work, and BAM! nursing strike! (Wait, what? Those exist? You bet ya, my friend! I googled it extensively.) I joked that my daughter joined a boob union and went on strike, but that was to hide my pure frustration and guilt. I cried a lot. I felt like I had failed. Back to trying the CrAzIeSt things to get my baby to latch again which resulted in more failure and frustration and lots and lots of tears. (post-pregnancy hormones don't help)

     My solution? Exclusively pumping! I thought, "Wow, it won't be so bad! Now other people can feed my baby too!" It was great! For a few weeks... But then I started hating despising my breast pump. I described it to my husband as a hatred that ran so deep, that I wanted to throw my pump out of the window of the Willis Tower and watch it explode into tiny, little pieces. (I'm almost positive that he debated getting me psychiatric help but then remembered the hormones) I kept it going for 2 and 1/2 months. I ate oatmeal, lactation cookies, drank Mother's Milk Tea (love it now!), took Lactation Blend, ate flax seed, fennel oil... you name it, I did it! It did wonders for my supply and my baby! But then I was just exhausted, physically and emotionally, and I felt like I just couldn't do it anymore. Enter mommy guilt! Breast is best, right?

     Wrong! While breast milk is WONDERFUL for your baby, a crabby and weepy mommy isn't. It is more important that your baby has a happy and healthy mommy to cuddle her. (or him!) I decided that pumping was just not worth it for me. In the end, it wasn't what was best for me or my baby. We asked her doctor about formula and did a little research. Formula is just as wonderful for babies, and as I mentioned earlier, it is simple, the baby gets fed, and that is what they need to be happy and healthy.

      Two months of nursing and two and a half months of pumping... Each month filled with its own set of joy, worries, comfort, tears, complication, and victories. Did I mention earlier that I had a spirited daughter? Strong-willed would be another term. Just as I was about ready to wrap up my school year and transition to formula, BAM! she started nursing again. Just. Like. That. What a stinker.

      Our journey has not been easy, but I have learned so much.  Formula = healthy, happy baby.....Breast milk = happy, healthy baby. We are all doing what we think is best for our babies, and that is what is truly important.