The excitement of something new... It tends to wear off. (It's always such a bummer when it does!) A new car isn't quite as exciting anymore, and it loses that really awesome new car smell. A new house doesn't seem as large or as extravagant as it did on that first walk-through. A new top is faded and showing signs of wear and tear. (especially when you have spit up, drool, and/or sweet potatoes smeared on it) If I admitted to that being the ONLY reason that I haven't blogged in three weeks, I wouldn't be telling the complete truth.
Why the break? I hit a wall - a hard one. I've struggled with depression in the past, and it was my number one fear throughout pregnancy. Would I suffer from postpartum depression? Depression is super scary and almost impossible to describe. Looking back, the solution seems so easy. but I can tell you that while going through it, the solution seemed impossible, unreachable, and overwhelming.
I was so blessed with a (somewhat) easy birth. There were no complications, it wasn't incredibly long, I went epidural free, and besides for some MAJOR soreness, (no matter what you do, no matter how you sit, stand, or kneel, NOTHING is going to feel good and the only relieve you get is from a can of dermoplast and tucks pads) I'll admit to it being not so bad. My worst fear didn't come true. Sure, I was weepy those first couple of weeks, but I was also exhausted. (like EVERY new mommy)
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I started to feel "off". Sluggish. Unproductive. Unhappy. Tired. Unmotivated. Down. (I think I've mentioned this a few times, but hormones can be pretty wicked, huh?) Luckily, I could recognize it and be proactive about fixing it. Reaching out and admitting that I needed help was the first and most important step. Many moms (or people in general) suffer silently, and this can be very dangerous. Once I talked through it and had some support, I felt like I could work my way out of it. I forced myself to do things. I tried to keep super busy, which is fairly easy when you have a seven month old. I prayed. A lot. I focused on the fact that the key to happiness isn't things or situations. The key to happiness is Jesus. He doesn't always promise good, but He does promise to be there and help us through the bad. What was really cool was hearing a sermon on that this past Sunday! Whoa! Was that meant for my ears!
Am I miraculously healed? NO! But I am in a much better spot now than I was a couple of weeks ago. I am oh so far from perfect, but Jesus loves me anyway. I am so blessed that He is there through the many good times AND the many bad.
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